His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
