p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
