just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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