i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i drank out of a bidet.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
