Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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