do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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