I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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