I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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