Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
