Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
