I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
