She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
