Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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