I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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