I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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