Old men and throwing up are my life now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
