I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
