watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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