I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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