She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
