no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
