They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
