I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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