I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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