I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
