You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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