Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
