What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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