2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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