I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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