it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
