I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize