SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish you could order shots online.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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