my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
