I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
