they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
