yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
