yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
