So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
