i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
please come you make the beer taste better
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Even my vagina gasped.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
