can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
