Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
