finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
