jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
