I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
