i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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