i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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