Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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