Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
