I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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