the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
