I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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