I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
