My sheets look like a crime scene.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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