Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
