mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
