hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
