you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I did not marry a roomba.
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