Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
