He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think my moral compass just broke
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
