No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
