i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
