I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize