Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
