Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
