Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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