i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
