You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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