Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
