I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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