You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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