just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
