I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
