Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize