I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
