do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
