I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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