3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
