Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize